The Trouble with Macs

Finally discovered what's fouling up the works.



(photo reblogged from Frybos.)

Things That Worry Me

The final entry in my American Heritage Dictionary is zyzzyva, for which there aren't nearly enough relevant tiles in Scrabble, though it's at least a 43 point move. (Damn!)

Does this really mean that the weevil gets the last word?

Addendum: I learned that the highest single word score evah is 360 for quixotry, by a non-expert level tournament player. Read more here.

The Good Book

Today I was fired from Barnes and Noble because a customer complained that I had stocked Christian Bibles in the fiction section.

(reblogged from One Sentence archive - story #3286)

I've always felt that it's a big mistake on the part of the public school system not to make The Bible a part of the freshman year English curriculum, as they did at my non-denominational private school. Let's face it, those stories are the basis of most of Western literature and art. Sadly, I was bumped back into public school for 9th grade (that was a matter of denomination of the greenback variety), so I missed my Bible primer. Most of my intermittent exposure to Sunday School was spent at the Mormon church, where they focused more attention on a whole other book of mythology.

Which reminds me of a time when I was maybe eight and we were driving to a LDS summer camp. I was deeply engrossed in D'Aulaire's Book of Greek Myths, which gave rise to great concern amongst the ladies in the VW Bus. They were very sweet about it, but oh what an uproar of ridiculous clucking! I endured their worries for my immortal soul, and somehow suppressed the impulse to roll my eyes. By the way, if any of you true believers out there have any ambitions for your children to attend a decent university, please don't deprive them of exposure to the classics and other belief systems. Keeping them ignorant of history will not assist them in pursuit of a Liberal Arts education.

In any case, I had to wait for Art History classes and Joseph Campbell to really start soaking up Angel Wrestling, Sacrifices of Beloved Sons, Decapitating Bitches, and Loaves and Fishes. Religion is, of course, a matter of faith for some and a matter of choice for others, but I think even many rational Christians can agree that there is some manner of literature on those hallowed pages. Whether God actually wrote it (which I seriously doubt, bereft as it is of consistent poetry, humor & joy), or it's the work of man, its value is not diminished. Whatever the case, B&N can suck it.

The Radiance

...We sense there is some sort of spirit that loves
birds and animals, and the ants --
perhaps the same one who gave a radiance to you in
your mother's womb.
Is it logical you'd be walking around entirely
orphaned now?
The truth is, you turned away yourself,
and decided to go into the dark alone.
Now you are tangled up in others, and have forgotten
what you once knew
and that is why everything you do has some weird
failure in it.


- Kabir, 13th C (translated by Robert Bly)

"Compassion is the ultimate attitude of wealth:

an anti-poverty attitude, a war on want. It contains all sorts of heroic, juicy, positive, visionary, expansive qualities. And it implies larger scale thinking, a freer and more expansive way of relating to oneself and the world. It is the attitude that one has been born fundamentally rich rather than that one must become rich."

- Chogyam Trungpa

Beautiful Fox Pass, USA

We've all been there a time or two. I visit nearly every time I open my mouth.



*(aka faux pas, though in truth, it's a mere spelling mistake, not a true gaffe. Sometimes you have to sacrifice accuracy for a joke or a sign of gratitude.)

Lowering the Bar

I'm told that part of maturation is acceptance of diminished standards. I will now be satisfied if The President can accomplish what is requested on the pasteboard sign in the photo below. It is, however, the minimum requirement. That and only that.

Waterboarding: The New Facial

You're right, Miss Universe, it is so "calm and beautiful," but only when they use the Blackwater. You've got that in your home country too, si?

For Bulletholes

"The way of life is towards fulfillment, however, wherever it may lead. To restore a human being to the current of life means not only to impart self-confidence but also an abiding faith in the processes of life. A man who has confidence in himself must have confidence in others, confidence in the fitness and Tightness of the universe. When a man is thus anchored he ceases to worry about the fitness of things, about the behavior of his fellow-men, about right and wrong and justice and injustice. If his roots are in the current of life he will float on the surface like a lotus and he will blossom and give forth fruit. He will draw his nourishment from above and below; he will send his roots down deeper and deeper, fearing neither the depths nor the heights. The life that's in him will manifest itself in growth, and growth is an endless, eternal process. He will not be afraid of withering, because decay and death are part of growth. As a seed he began and as a seed he will return. Beginnings and endings are only partial steps in the eternal process. The process is everything . . . the way . . . the Tao."

- Henry Miller
Sexus: The Rosy Crucifixion

Live by the Sword

Hmm, I wonder if he got killed by a drunk driver?

Hometown Boy

This is how we like to grow 'em where I'm from:

Huckleberry's Fantasy Vacation

Fish Tale

Nokia's ad men are either kicking themselves for not thinking up this gimmick themselves, or jumping for joy at what is a humorous, odd, true, and ultimately selling story. I believe it, having recently decided it was time to put my little Sprint phone through the wash. A friend admonished me for including it with the whites, but in any case, after a day and a half drying out from the heat of the oven's pilot light, it works just fine.

My New Personal Assistant

If I Ever Had to Write a Profile for a Personals Ad or My Epitaph, I Think I'd Use This

"Nothing is ever lost. If you have moved over vast territories and dared to love silly things, you will have learned even from the most primitive items collected and put aside in your life. From an ever-roaming curiosity in all the arts, from bad radio to good theatre, from nursery rhyme to symphony, from jungle compound to Kafka's Castle, there is basic excellence to be winnowed out, truths found, kept, savored, and used on some later day. To be a child of one's time is to do all these things."

- Ray Bradbury

As You Were

We see things not as they are,

but as we are.

-The Talmud

Deep Thoughts on Global Warming

This morning, as I stared at the label on my sparkling water bottle, I wondered, "Will I someday have to pay a carbon tax on club soda, Bubble Up, and Cokes, too?  Will it be offset by the deposit I now pay which, in California, is redeemable nowhere even remotely convenient? What about when I exhale all that CO2?  If my dog continues farting at his current rate will they fine me for the methane? "

In the future, will the warming be on the label?

Over My Dead Bonnie

“Couldn’t they at least cast a real actress?"

- Faye Dunaway, regarding “a vicious, vicious, vicious remake of Bonnie and Clyde currently in the works starring Hilary Duff and Kevin Zegers.”

If you've never seen this screen gem, go to it. By the way, is that not one of the hottest photos of Faye you've ever seen? Her wardrobe in the original set off one of the most historically significant fashion trends ever precipitated by a film. Annie Hall was another.

Clyde Barrow & Bonnie Parker, the original duo - not bad lookin', neither.

Perfect Shadows in a Sunshine Day*

“He tried not to show it, but he felt so inferior. Presley probably innately was the most introverted person that ever came into that studio. He didn’t play with bands. He didn’t go to this little club and pick and grin. All he did was set with his guitar on the side of his bed at home. I don’t think he even played on the front porch.”

— Sam Phillips


*"What are kings, when regiment is gone, but perfect shadows in a sunshine day?"
-- Christopher Marlowe

Spot of Ink

"Ichu was a famous painter and Zen teacher. One day Nambutzu, a great warrior, came to see him and asked whether he could paint the fragrance described in a famous line of poetry: "After walking through the flowers, the horse's hoof is fragrant." Ichu drew a horse's hoof with a butterfly fluttering around it. Then Nambutzu quoted the line, "Spring breeze over the river bank," and asked for a picture of the breeze. Ichu drew a branch of waving willow. Nambutzu cited the famous Zen phrase, "A finger directly pointing to the human mind; see the nature to be Buddha," and asked for a picture of the mind. Ichu picked up the brush and flicked a spot of ink onto Nambutzu's face. Nambutzu was surprised and annoyed; Ichu rapidly sketched his angry face. Nambutzu then asked for a picture of the nature. Ichu broke the brush. Nambutzu didn't understand, and Ichu remarked, "If you haven't got the seeing eye, you can't see it." Nambutzu asked him to take another brush and paint a picture of the nature. Ichu replied, "Show me your nature and I'll paint it." Nambutzu had no words."

- John Daido Loori
The Eight Gates of Zen