I want to give you and me positive things, beautiful things for me and you. Even if the best I can do is a painful memory that I'm okay with now. Because transforming something dark is hopeful. And I want to give out funny things, even if at their worst they are only funny cynical things. Because laughter ruptures the hard surface of cynicism, and then it's something else, something opened up.
But I don't have much of any of that right now, and so I feel like mostly silence is the best way I can give you and me just a little bit of love. Sorry if I'm pretty quiet for awhile longer.
Till then, here's someone else's bit, a little overly twee, but still...
Barter
Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up
Holding wonder like a cup.
Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.
Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.
- Sara Teasdale
3 comments:
Whatever you do have, negative or not, let it out-- you're not the only one with a cynical streak. Just don't take a leaf from my book and drown it all in torrents of booze.
I'm sensing that you're tired, or possibily weary.
I know a little something about that.
Times like that, it sometimes helps to fuzz out any big-picture thinking, and focus on something small and immediate.
But your mileage may vary...
A.F.K.A.S.A - no worries, I never turn to booze if I'm unhappy, because it only makes me unhappier. I never understand it when people say they feel numbed. For me it's the opposite. But if I'm happy, on the rare occaision I drink, I'm even happier.
Huck - Tired and weary. Most certainly. Something to do with passive guys who can't stand up and be men and do a woman the honor of dealing with an ending. That one tends to throw me into a tailspin, because it's so disrespectful. Especially after 8+ months.
And you're absolutely right about focusing on small things when one is overwhelmed. Isn't that what OCD is all about? Seriously, though, that lesson was illustrated so beautifully in the documentary about the lost climbers, Into the Void. Did you see it??
Is it a question of mileage, or which type of engine I'm running.
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