Friday, June 13, 2008

The Politics of Facial Hair


My excessively handsome BF is going through what I like to call his "Jim Morrison: American Prayer" phase. First the hair grew long, which I love, especially since it turns into perfect, soft sausage curls, like Gainsborough's Blue Boy, the Fauntleroy craze in the late 1800s, or those Orthodox ringlets they wear down in the Fairfax and Wilshire areas. Next came The Beard. I'm not a fan of any sort of stylized facial hair. Soul patches, Fu Manchus, moustaches, Van Dykes and the lot really give me an impression that the dude sportin' is having serious self-image issues, or that he's going to slip a Ketamine in my latte. Judgemental, superficial and unfair? Perhaps. Probably, but moustaches are the province of 70s porn stars, and unless you plan on buying a Chevy Van and trolling local school yards, I suggest it's not a prudent choice of veneer. The Van Dyke can sometimes be maybe sorta ok. (Who made me arbiter of facial hair style? No one. Now, shut up and do what you're told.)

But an honest beard? Despite the tendency of some of those upper lip hairs to wiggle up into a girl's nose when in full embrace, and the abrasive growing out stage, I can get behind a full beard. A bit of grooming is fine, but I really have a hard time being attracted to a man who looks like he overly primps. Dressing well is nice and good hygiene essential, but too sleek, too hyper-obsessively clean, is not sexy to me.

So I'm good with BF expressing his inner Grizzly Adams. Too bad his mother screamed when he landed back home in Texas this week. It seems The Beard may be coming off soon.

10 comments:

jt castleton said...

i think the GF was secretly happy when i went smooth in the middle of last week's heat wave. though i admit: i did it more for the straight razor experience.

Anonymous said...

You two are very cute, kfc. He has a kind of Eddie Vedder look about him, which means he's less likely to put a ketamine in your coffee than write a song about you that makes everyone within a thousand mile radius say, "That man is DAMN sensitive." My wife would kill me if I grew a beard. Kill me. With a sword. She's showed it to me. It used to belong to Yukio Mishima.
You're beautiful by the way! Unremitting Mike

Grant Miller said...

Cute pictures. I'm jealous of your boyfriend for many reasons, but primarily because I'd like to grow long hair. But my hair grows up, not down so I get one of those lame White Guy Afros. And I hate facial hair except for when I grow a pencil thin moustache which looks David Niven-Cool.

Good times.

Huckleberry said...

Do not blaspheme the chops.
My sideburns are literally the stuff of legend.
They also match my musket.

kissyface said...

JT - Where you been, Buddy?

UF - Thank you. Someone else said he looked a bit like Vedder, but I think it's just the hair. To me he looks like a hybrid of Robert DeNiro, Robert Downey, Jr., and Javier Bardem, plus something else I haven't yet discovered.

Grant Miller - I bet it's not so bad as you're making it out to be.

Huck - Did I mention chops? I did forgot the exclusionary clause, and I am sorry, because I actually like the chops - within reason. They are sexy. Mr. Texas has 'em, and so did all those hot Eton boys I went to college with. Just so long as they aren't careening all the way down your jawline.

peteski said...

is there a Green Card in this story?

GrizzBabe said...

I'm not a big fan of facial hair either, but The Boyfriend sports a closely cropped neck beard that I love to scratch.

kissyface said...

Peteski - I'm a little confused, he's a Cajun from Tejas. Oh, you meant me, then.

Grizz - But we like chops, right? See Huckleberry?

Anonymous said...

Peteski, you should be ashamed of yourself. You don't need a green card if you come from Texas. You need documentation from your vet that you're not rabid.

Just kidding, of course. Heh.

steve said...

If you will knit him a Coonskin Cap he will look like ol Davy Crockett, hero of the Alamo.
Ya'll look great together...forgive me taking so long to write this but I wasn't sure what to say, and I've been going through a period where the Cat has had my Tongue and besides I have had this HUGE crush on you for all these years!
(we all have)

Hey, did you show him the rules for dating a Texan?
if ya'll ever get to DFW do look me up...I'd love to meet you cuz it would be a real
WANG-DANG-DOODLE!