Has the World Gone Mad?

More evidence that incest aversion/taboo is alive, well and deeply rooted in my psyche:

The other night, during the aforementioned old ladies' Oscar party, I heard this word come flying out of my mother's mouth, though I cannot recall a single word that bookended it - "Fingerbanging."

I was completely aghast. I squealed in shock at my middle class, Midwestern mother and her prurient utterance.

The ladies were humored. Some crowed, others tittered, but all unified in their surprise at my reaction. "Do you think she DOESN'T know what that is?" "You've never heard her say those things?" "These kids think they invented slang."

I made it clear that I was quite certain she did know, as it was she who taught me to swear. However, I didn't think that my mom used phrases that made her sound like a glue-huffing dipshit sixteen-year-old from Omaha, who finally broke through the jammed phones to go on-air at "Loveline."

Furthermore, I would like to know what genius is responsible for naming the bottles of mouthwash in both the master and basement bathrooms, "Oral Amber." Google that and tell me if you can find any hygienic products on page one. You can't. I can tell you what you will find...