Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Better off dead
I have been putting off having a much needed garage sale for a couple of weeks now, because truthfully they fill me with dread. It is so annoying to be haggled down by misers who show up an hour before the posted time, rifling through your stuff, trying to buy while you are still setting up, and ultimately nickel-and-diming you over brand new things you are selling at twenty percent of their original value. I resent the fact that it regresses me back to middle-school behaviors, like eye-rolling. Frankly, I find it depressing.
And if that weren't bad enough, now I've come to understand that among the many compulsive, odd, and ill-socialized sorts who frequent the neighborhood flea markets are folks like this:
If you are having an estate sale you'd better be dead!! (Towards The Light!)
Date: 2008-05-06, 8:58AM PDT
Otherwise it's a yard sale...or a garage sale...or an apartment sale...house sale...or even an alley sale...if that's where it's taking place...but if it's an estate sale...that means you are NO LONGER of this earth...hence..you have an estate ( read...items owned by the deceased!!! ) If you are having an estate and moving sale...you should be moving to the great beyond! I'm tired of misrepresented sales...List honestly!!
Or what, exactly, does he propose to do about it? Send the proprietors Towards the Light? Does that not sound like a New Age cult to you? And is it actually possible to run a sale from The Great Beyond? If I die, do I still actually own my junk? I was under the impression that we leave our earthly possessions behind, but I am positively thrilled to know that I will be kickin' it* old school, King Tut style!! Thanks, you total freak, you have given me hope.
Still, here's an idea, Buddy, hunt down a copy of The Chicago Manual of Style. Three dots are not connectors; they indicate an omission. They cause us to read between the lines. So unless you want us to think that what you aren't saying is some sort of homocidal rant or that you are inviting us to a game of MadLibs, LEARN TO USE ELLIPSES PROPERLY. Because misrepresentation is misrepresentation.
Anyway, I confess I have no garage.
(* 'it' being The Bucket.)