Standing at the checkout counter after I shopped at Trader Joe's, I spied an old old man on one of those wheelchair/ATV thingys, coming right through my lane. So, I skinnied myself up against the counter and asked him if he had sufficient room to pass by me. He smiled at me and said "It's just perfect, you didn't even have to move, but I wouldn't want to risk taking even a scrape or a nick out of what is so perfectly formed... It would be a crime against nature." He kept on smiling as he motored on past.
I had to think this over for a bit, and as I looked up at my cashier, I was impressed by how calm and silent he seemed. Too silent, so I said, "Did he just say what I think he said?"
Because I do not have that great of an ass.