Monday, May 29, 2006

What Got Tested in Me Tonight Most Seriously

If you cannot see
the God in all,
you cannot see
God at all.

-Yogi Bhajan

It's funny I should have posted what I posted yesterday, about being careful with people and making amends. Tonight I was confronted with the wrath of someone in my social circle who thought I was mistreating him. He thought I was talking smack about him, and I was not. Ironically, of all the times we've been in conflict (and he's a person about whom it is very difficult to remain neutral), of all the times I've fest annoyed, tonight was not one of them. In fact, the last several times I've seen him, I have not felt any animosity toward him.

Nonetheless, because he had this misunderstanding, he waged a kind of abuse against me I have rarely seen. It was amazing. There was sheer hatred in his face.

I moved myself away from this person (who was never more than a friend), quite awhile ago because I thought it was the healthiest thing for both of us. I can't take his negativity. I wish I had some magic key, or the excellence of disposition to be the source of healing he so desperately needs. This is a very intelligent and physically beautiful and spirited human. But he claws at most everyone he gets close to. I don't know how to be continuously loving and open to someone who is repeatedly and intentionally hurtful. I wish the best for him. I hope he learns to love himself enough to be trusting and trustworthy. I hope he develops the confidence to know that he can be loved for what he truly is on the inside - a very hurt little boy. He has managed to pull to him a lot of nice people. He should stop fighting them, and then he might start to feel what he really wants and needs in his life - love and affection.


Jed said...

You can talk smack about me any time you want, and I won't get mad. As long as it is funny smack.

kissyface said...

Jed -
give me a smack and I'll smack you back.