Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Bed Bug and Beyond

While painting his bed and bathroom today, I had this conversation with my friend Joe:

Joe - I want to have a new romance.

Me - Well why don't you go back online and dig one up for tonight?

(He's uber handsome, and could accomplish this easily, but it's funny advice coming from someone who has sworn on her life she'll never internet date.)

Joe - No! I want butterflies, not crabs.


GrizzBabe said...

Never say never! ;-)

srchngformystry said...

id have to agree with grizzbabe. ive met two guys from the internet who have impacted my life: one was for five years and the other for five hours. alls well that ends well.

by the way, kissyface, i love butterflies, too. and thank the good Lord that ive never had crabs. except the soft shell ones at my favorite sushi place.

kissyface said...

I just don't have the endurance or the heart for it. It's one thing to happen across someone and correspond and maybe interest develops. That could actually be incredibly romantic, but I have this need to believe in the occasion of love occurring organically, unfolding.

I judge no one who does, but I don't want to chase love down. I believe that if I'm open and ready, the right man will show up for me. When I was younger and oh so naive, I pursued men, and it was always a disaster. I was so innocent, no one taught me about the politics of cat and mouse. No one said the reason it's best not to be sexual right away is because it's like putting the cart before the horse. My mother never told me that boys just want to get in your pants - of course I generalize, but someone's got to give a dumb girl that warning sometime. So blindly I went off to school, unschooled, and thought and trusted that like means like and that's the place we start from. I was a soft and skinless child, as permeable as cotton, so I got hurt and confusion more often than love and adoration.

I didn't know I was supposed to couch my feelings in veiled language, hold my cards close to my chest, and generally keep 'em guessing, to be considered a viable mate. I'm still not great at that.

I am in awe of women who can play that hand so masterfully, and all the while make the guy think he's the one doing it. But the thing is, fundamentally it's dishonest to manipulate someone into loving you. If you game your way into a relationship, you have misrepresented yourself, and so you have then to figure out who the other actually is. My best romances started as friendships, or when there was some stricture in place that restrained an immediate conquest. There was time to hear the person first, and then decide that the attraction meant something sexual. And by then some form of love is already in place, even if it's simply fondness.

Not that I'm averse to reaching out once interest has been established, I'm not truly passive, but I really think that when it's right you both start gravitating towards each other anyway. Don't push the river.

srchngformystry said...

you are such an excellent writer, kissyface, that you inspire me to try to be better.

i love your thoughts about love. i love that you are not jaded and that you have such a great way of expression.