Thursday, April 13, 2006

La Poubelle

Today is the day we put our garbage out curbside.

I've been reevaluating certain friendships of mine. This has been going on for quite some time, really. Redefining boundaries; learning to be more careful about circulating information (who gets to know what); tightening the screws on my own mouth, which (and this is probably surprising, given how open I am on this site), was already pretty tight. I've never been much of a gossip, and can be relied upon for confidentiality. People have always told me their deep dark secrets, even when I was inappropriately young. But we can always use improvement in these areas, and partly it's been a struggle to really learn non-judgement. It's easier when I don't give careless people the opportunity to be hurtful. Most people are so very very careless. The sorry side-effect is finding oneself just a little more isolated than before.

I do get judgemental. I want high standards for myself and others. But anyone who really knows me will tell you, I am kind and open of heart and mind, and I forgive easily. Too easily. Except when there is no acknowledgement of a hurt, then I will be as remote as northen Greenland. I don't know if that's a shortcoming or not. I don't tend to lash out or fight. Being distant seems controlling, I'm sure. Mostly it just keeps both of us safe.

We all do so many things that hurt each other, many of them inadvertant. Part of loving people is accepting the fact that they will, inevitably, disappoint you. Love them anyway.

Here's a favorite quotation of mine from Huckleberry Finn. It's Jim to Huck. Click on the post title if you'd like to read the short chapter.

"Trash is what people is dat puts dirt on de head er dey fren's en makes 'em ashamed."

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