Wednesday, February 07, 2007

If You'll Only Just Believe

A slight argument welled up in November between the Aussie and myself. I had been bellyaching about money, then daydreaming aloud about how great it would be to win the lottery, to which he brashly responded:

"You're probably one of those people who talks about how much you want to win, but never actually buys a ticket."

"True, but why are you trying to put limitations on my world?"

"You cannot win if you don't buy."

"Unlimited potential of the Universe, Baby. I could find a ticket on the ground, or perhaps someone will put a winner in my Christmas stocking..."

He just stared at me.

"You're the one who brags about being so optimistic. Anything's possible, right?"

He just shook his head.

A few days later, before our trip to Mexico, I went over to a massive red vending machine in the Glendale Von's (remind me to tell you another story about that particular excursion), and tried to choose from about ten different styles of lottery tickets. Obviously, I was succumbing to his influence. Though completely overwhelmed by the choices, I was trying to be a man of action. Except that course was utterly stymied, as the machine refused to accept any bills at all. Closed for business. I took that as a sign that I almost certainly was completely right about my theory, and soon God and the heavens would be showering me with Ben Franklins.

Or Krugerands, maybe?

Sometimes you simply have to be patient.

So imagine my elation today when I serendipitously opened my bulk email bin (looking for an errant message from RPP), and found this message: WINNING NOTIFICATION...CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS AGENT IMMEDIATELY!!!!........


Attn: Sir/Madam,

We happily announce to you the draw (#942) of the SOUTH AFRICA
SPORTSTAKE program, Wheel E-game held on 2nd of February 2007. It is yet to be
claimed and you are getting the final notification with regards this."

I will spare you the tedium of details, such as the winning ticket number, my agent's name and contact information, etc.
My prize, however, is a whopping 17,253,000 ZAR. After putting it into an online currency converter, I learned that is about 2.4 million US dollars.

That's right, I didn't have to do a thing but dream it up; the universe will provide.

But you know what I love most? The sweet motto of their Lotto, so spiritually aligned with my own Weltanschaung.

*Love the game, Win the game*

(Citizen H, I do believe you have experience with this sort of thing after your wranglings with the Nigerians. I appoint you chief officer in the task of handling this matter and my accounts. Should you accept the post, you will be rewarded most handsomely. I'll just need your SSN and acct. information. Feel free to post them in the comments section. Yours, KF)


Citizen H said...


Forward the e-mail to me so I can start a scambait though!

UF Mike said...

I'm a firm believer in the slogan, "You've got to pay to lose." Hi Kissyface!

Citizen H said...

Speaking of lotteries, do you really want to pay the "stupid" tax? That's exactly what it is. I recall seeing a study a few years back, will post a link when I track it down, showing that people who made less than $50,000 a year spent almost twenty times as much money on lottery tickets as those in the over $50K bracket. I believe there was also a breakdown based on education levels. Stay tuned!

Citizen H said...

Knew I'd seen it somewhere. This deals specifically with the Texas Lottery Commission, and it's not difficult to imagine the stats being similar in other states.

Citizen H said...

Oops. How I came up with twenty instead of twice I don't know. Brain's fried today.

steve said...

The stupid tax...damn straight.

'Give me $10 worth on pump #9
A lottery ticket and a Colt 45
Scratch it right off,
cash it back in
jus' gimme 5 more
somebodies gotta win

somebodies gotta win
it happens all the time
somebodies gotta win
and it might be me
A little bit o' hope
is a dangerous thing"

From one of my favorites, James McMurtry

We are all pulling for you though!